Funny Quotes

I decided to put some funny quotes up here today to share with everyone, enjoy ^^

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.---Homer Simpson

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.---Woody Allen

He who fights and runs away, may live to fight another day; but he who is in battle slain, can never rise and fight again.---Oliver Goldsmith

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.---Oscar Wilde

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.---Will Rogers

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.---Will Rogers

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.---Oprah Winfrey

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.---Mae West

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.---Socrates

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.---Dilbert

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.---W.C. Fields

I have nothing to declare except my genius.---Oscar Wilde

I never drink water, fish fuck in it.---W.C. Fields

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.---David Brent

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.---Woody Allen